Last week a tanguero recall a moment years ago at a milonga which still stays sharp in his head: “There was a girl who sat out the whole night. Nobody ever invited her to dance. She left the milonga weeping and I still remember her tears.”.
Not every night in tango is great. I have nights which I’d dress up and arrived at a milonga, only getting invited once or twice the whole night. I’d scan the room trying to meet the eyes of tangueros (male tango dancers), but never succeed in catching their glance. The worst happened when I finally met the eyes of a tanguero, but he turned his head and averted my glance. I’d quietly slip out of the milonga, and that feeling of not being wanted would stick with me and kept me awake the whole night.
In tango women are often in a passive position. The tango culture encourage men to actively seek for dance partners. Sometimes if a man is aggressive, he can go stand right in front of the lady and pressure her to nod her head (not a good manner though). However, mirada (glance) is the only tool for a lady to get dance. Ladies who verbally ask for dance can be flown upon.
So what should we ladies do if we have been sitting out tandas in a milonga? There are 5 tips which will help us to get our feet on the floor.
1. Stay confident
“No tanguero would want to dance with a woman who doesn’t own herself.” My tango master always says this in her class. A tanguera should always radiate confidence and has a strong character. Dancing with a timid tanguera feels like drinking a glass of lukewarm water.
If you have been sitting out tandas, losing your confidence would kick off a vicious cycle which makes fewer people wanting to invite you, and you lose even more confidence. In contrast, sitting straight, smiling and radiating positive energy would help people notice you and increase your odds of getting invited.
2. Do not keep staring at your smartphone
Sometimes a lady is not invited just because she has been staring at the screen of her phone! When a lady is using her phone, she is seen disengaged and not interested in dancing, and men may not invite her.
3. Make people see you
Sometimes men don’t invite a lady simply because they don’t see her! The lighting in a milonga is usually dim and sometimes it’s hard to notice a lady sitting at the corner. It’s best to choose a well-illuminated seat. It often helps to linger at the water cooler or the snack table where tangueros would gather in between tandas, making it easier for them to discover and invite you.
4. Be friendly and smile
“I’d invite a lady who smiles even though I don’t know her.” a tanguero told me in a milonga. Tangueros are more emotionally sensitive than other non-dancing men and many of them care if the ladies are happy.
I have noticed a tanguero for years in milonga who had never invited me until recently, and he told me he’s very shy and it takes a lot of courage for him to invite a new partner. Putting a smile on the face helps break the ice and the barrier that stops unfamiliar men to invite you.
5. Learn to lead
This is the ultimate tip which will guarantee you will never sit out again a milonga. Learning to lead has a lot of benefits: it helps you to understand tango more comprehensively and see the dance from both angles; you’d become a better follower as you understand the mechanics of leading and more responsive to the lead; it empowers you to display your musicality and character in your dance. Finally, you can take an active role to invite and save the fellow ladies from sitting out in the milonga!
Hope you enjoy reading this article! You may also like: Tango illusion
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